


The Life and Times of Zoey Legrand

by Cosmignon



Category: Dice Funk Podcast D&D Campaign
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:55:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosmignon/pseuds/Cosmignon
Summary: Planned to be a series of vignettes looking at important moments in Zoey Legrand's life (No planned chronological order)





	1. First Spark (Age:10)

There was silence hanging in and around the house when Zoey woke up. Mom and Dad were probably out by now, she could feel it. If Stella was out too, at least that meant she could take the bath all to herself for the morning. There was at least one good thing about being left home alone.

She pattered out of her room, and locked the bathroom door behind her. Even if Stella was here, no chance she was going to hog up everything all morning like she normally did.

Zoey didn’t keep track of how long her bath had been, but she was pleased to find that nobody had interrupted her. Then, after she got dressed and headed downstairs, she started to dread having to make breakfast by herself.

Surprisingly however, when she turned to the kitchen, she found Stella making breakfast already.

“Hey!” Zoey couldn’t help but feel annoyed that the silence in the house had been a façade. “What are you still doing here? Aren’t ya supposed to be doing some magic show?” Zoey waved her hands around mockingly.

“No, my next performance isn’t until tomorrow.”

“Coulda told me sooner!”

No response, _typical_.  

“Well, save some of that for me then! I’m going to practice my own spells!”

“Have fun with that” Stella chimed, actually turning to look at Zoey for the first time that morning. Why was she smiling like that? Zoey scrunched her face in irritation, and Stella turned back to cooking like nothing had happened. Zoey shrugged it off and headed to the corner in the living room where she kept her magic things. She huffed as she looked back toward the kitchen, certain that Stella had been making fun of her. Geeze, she wasn’t _that_ bad at magic.

She had to head outside with her things to practice. It was a cold hazy morning, made chilly by the rain from the night before, and the dewy grass made her socks wet. Darn, forgot shoes!

After getting her shoes, and heading back outside, she opened her spell book, which was more like a set of papers tied together with string. She turned to the spell she had been trying to get to work for a few months now: firebolt! It was practical to be able to start a fire on her own, but more importantly it was going to look super cool when she got it right. She just knew it was going to!

Then she took her wand, a nice stick she had found in the yard, and tapped it against the paper. She closed her eyes tightly, concentrating with all of her might. _Think magic! Think fire magic! Think in…this direction!_ And she opened her eyes to quickly point her wand toward her target: the tree stump in the front yard.

Her eyes grew wide in shock as a real, true bolt of fire shot out from her hands, burning the wand to ash and hitting the stump right at the base. For a moment, she stood there silently awed by what had just happened, and felt like she could take on the whole world just then. Was she seeing things, or had that really happened? As the fire fizzled out in the puddle of water surrounding the stump, Zoey found the will to move herself once more. She squatted down to look at her spell, and this time she tapped it with her hands in the absence of her wand.

She shot upright again, staring right at the stump as she concentrated: _Think fire, make it happen …now!_ and fire flew out from her hand to hit its target once again! She hadn’t been dreaming it! She cheered for herself! She felt a surge of pride swell up inside her, and her hands felt tingly from the excitement.

Then, the rest of her body felt tingly, like she had just run for miles. Magic wasn’t so hard after all! She was nearly set to run inside, and show off to Stella since she was there after all, when she tripped as she turned. Or rather, the whole world seemed to lurch up from beneath her.

She cried out when she landed, but instead of hearing herself, she heard a bleating sheep. She struggled to get herself upright, looking for where in the world a sheep had come from. She called out for it, but only heard it bleating again. Then, it struck her that everything felt much taller than before. And after she called out again, she heard that the bleating had been her own.  

A dawning sense of panic overshadowed the pride she had felt moments before. She looked down, hooves! She looked around, with no one else to be found in the neighborhood out right now. The firebolt had once again fizzled out against the soggy stump, and so too had Zoey’s enthusiasm.

There was only one person who could help, and as much as Zoey dreaded the lecture, she dreaded being stuck as a dumb little sheep a heck of a lot more. She butted her head against the front door, hoping that she could open it, or at least get Stella’s attention. For plan B, she also started bleating as loudly as she could.

It took a whole agonizing minute, but Zoey relented when she could hear the sounds of feet rushing toward the door. Stella opened it and looked around, impatiently yelling “What’s the –?!” and stopped as she looked down to Zoey. Stella’s face betrayed her confusion, “What’s a sheep doing out here?” She cupped her hands around her face and called out “Hey! Zoey, don’t steal people’s sheep for practice!”

Zoey head-butted Stella’s knee. She looked up at her in anger. Stella balanced herself and looked directly back. Confusion shifted subtly into an expression Zoey couldn’t quite grasp, and Stella took out her wand and flicked it at Zoey without a word.

The world lurched again as Zoey found herself standing back on her own two, original feet. She barely had time to breathe a sigh of relief as Stella leaned down to ask, “Zoey… how did you learn polymorph?”

“I didn’t, at least, I wasn’t trying to I – I learned firebolt! I was trying to learn firebolt and I don’t care about polymorphs!” Zoey balled her fists up in defense, against what she didn’t know.

Stella stood quietly for a moment, her thoughts utterly a mystery to Zoey, and then Stella simply said, “Oh.”

“OH!” Zoey flailed her arms around, “That’s all you have to say?! I just cast two spells at once, isn’t that supposed to be cool or something?!”

Stella held her hand out in a stopping motion, completely disconnected from Zoey’s anger. “Cast it again.”

“Which?”

“Firebolt.”

Zoey wriggled her fingers and held her hands out again, facing the stump but really wishing she could aim at her sister. _Think FIRE!_ The firebolt hit its mark again, and this time the world lurched forwards instead of up.

Zoey screamed as she landed right next to the stump, and tripped over it as the momentum of suddenly flying 20 feet forward caught up to her body. 

“You pushed me!!” She cried as she struggled to get up from the muddy ground.

Stellar was silent as Zoey ran back up to her. “Admit that, you pushed me! You must’ve put that dumb polysheep spell on my too, didn’t you?!” Stella’s expression was cold, and Zoey persisted, “You can’t just push me around like that, it’s not funny!”

“Zoey,” Stella said, “There’s something very wrong with your magic.”

That was the last straw, “You can’t even let me have my own magic once I’ve got it, can’t you?!” She pushed Stella forcefully. _THINK FIRE!!_

Everything seemed to go dark. For how long Zoey didn’t know, because she couldn’t think, but when she came to she was standing at the doorway and Stella was batting at the fire on her skirt. It was already almost gone, and Stella stared at her sister intensely when she was done.

“I don’t _know_ polymorph yet, _Zoey_. I certainly don’t know _any_ spell that turns people into _plants_. Your magic is far more chaotic than I… or anyone else, could have anticipated.”

Zoey stood still as Stella backed into the house and slipped upstairs to find a new skirt. Zoey’s fists were shaking at her sides, her heart was beating too hard, her face felt hot as the anger and the embarrassment washed over her. Stella just couldn’t let her have this, could she?

Making extra certain that she slammed the front door behind her as hard as she could, Zoey went inside. She completely forgot about her spell book, she was just too mad. She stomped past the kitchen door, and turned her head to see a plate left out on the table. It was toast and eggs. Zoey’s eyes welled up and she stomped away and all the way back to her room. Another fully intentional slam with the bedroom door!

She kicked her shoes off and jumped into bed, burying herself under her blankets until she was hidden away from the world. She didn’t want to think about anything that had happened that morning, but it persisted well into the day. Casting magic was supposed to be easy, she was supposed to be good at this now. She was supposed to be good. Why wasn’t she _good_?


	2. Moving In

“Just, pick anything you want.” Rolen said as he gestured around his room.

Zoey eyed the room curiously. She stepped further into the room and asked, “So, does that include the huge rack of swords?”

“Ok, almost anything.” _Damn_.

Not that she’d have much use for swords, she never had before and expected the same in the future. They were just the most stylish thing in Rolen’s dreary room. Who would ever want a dragon chess table aside from this old nerd?

She put a hand on a dark wood desk sitting in the corner, did she need a desk? Maybe… after all, she was going to eventually have to solve the whole barrier mystery. Having someplace to pile everything was going to be better than dumping it all on the floor.

Pointing out the desk, and also to a convenient chest sitting beside it, she asked, “How ‘bout these?”

Rolen nodded approvingly and said, “I can take care of those.” He motioned for Zoey to step out of his way as he lifted both massive pieces of furniture - one on top of the other - with barely any effort. What a show off!

Zoey slid around Rolen and out the door before he could squeeze out of his room, which was a win for being tiny. If she couldn’t lift big heavy things, she could be fast!

She opened the door to her own room, and kicked an errant crab out of the doorway before stepping aside for Rolen.

The desk thudded onto the hardwood floor as Rolen placed it down. “Any place in particular you want this?”

Oh, she hadn’t really been thinking about that. “Uhhh… just, there? There’s good, and maybe the box could near my bed?”

“Gotcha,” and so it was done. Zoey leaned against the wall as she watched Rolen arranging the furniture.

“Is there anything else you might want, Zoey?” Rolen asked as he hung around the newly moved desk.

“Well, yeah, but like, you didn’t have it so, this is fine…”

“Do you want to tell me what it is? Or Winifred, he could put it in as your next order when we get a job.”

“Hhhmmm….” she really wanted some cool decorations, now that she thought about it. But that was probably dumb. Cool was dumb now, she just decided. “No thanks, but, thanks for giving me some of your stuff. I dunno if it was important to you, or anything.”

“Not particularly, I got most of it through Penny or the bounties,” Rolen got closer to stepping out of Zoey’s room as he spoke. “I’m going to check in on Alice Hawthorne, if you need anything else you’ll know where to find me.”

“Yeah, ok,” Zoey said, and Rolen walked out and down the stairs.

Zoey crawled into her bed, and thought of what to do now that she had a bedroom and not a barren room for extra storage. She thought about how long it would have taken for her to move that desk on her own, and felt exhausted just thinking about it.

Looking around, the room was still pretty sparse, but at least she had the essentials now. Her bed didn’t have any sheets aside from a blanket, but it was clean; the desk and chest didn’t have anything in them, but she had things to put away; the curtains hanging on her window were kinda creepy, with eyeball patterns, but they did the job they had to.


	3. New Leader

Zoey woke up with a headache. Looking around, she saw papers stacked on top of her desk. The curtains were closed, but she could tell light was shining in. She must have been sleeping for a while.

Getting up from bed was a newly minted hassle. As she sat up her headache seemed to sway with her, and she put a hand on the back of her head. Could still feel the spot where her skull almost got torn open. Wonderful.

With her free hand she blearily reached out for the stick she had used for her bindle who-knew how many months ago at this point. Luckily, it seemed Winnie had been organizing things, so she found the stick leaning against her nightstand.

Learning to put her weight on it instead of her busted leg was going to be weird.

She found her balance and walked over to the stack of papers. The morning fog in her head made it even more difficult to read than usual, but she could make out these were all notes from different people. Winnie could probably explain it.

She made her way out of the room, with papers in hand. It was odd to think she was the only one living here anymore, at least on this floor. She’d never really questioned where Winnie slept.

As she made her way downstairs, Zoey heard Winnie through the kitchen door. He was floating around, doing double kitchen duty as he prepared empty jars with a few tentacles, and worked at a pan over the stove with some others.

“Hey, Winnie, what’s up?” Zoey asked as she walked in, which was met with Winnie turning one eyestalk toward her and lighting up in recognition.

“Oh Zoey, It’s really good to see you up! Please, sit! I tried to make breakfast.”

Zoey took a seat at the kitchen table, which had conspicuously found its way back downstairs after sitting on the roof. She didn’t think it was necessary to question it, so she didn’t.

“Breakfast? You didn’t have to I-”

“But I did!!” Winnie flailed a bit as he turned the rest of his body, with pan in hand - tentacle? - whatever. “You need to eat to get better, and I’d feel real bad if you had to make it yourself!”

Zoey tilted her head, “So wait, then why didn’t you just make jam, like usual?”

Winnie still kept one eyestalk pointed at Zoey as he turned the other back to cooking. “The jam goes with the breakfast… if you’d want it anyways, I know you don’t just eat jam so I didn’t want to impose.”

“Well, that’s really nice of you. Thanks.”

“I’m happy to help!!”

Whatever he was making smelled kinda weird, but then a lot of things were weird so whatever. Zoey tapped at the table in a little rhythm as she waited for him to finish.

She was presented with a plate of malformed, somewhat burnt short stack of pancakes, and of course a jar of jam that she was _most likely_ not allergic to.

“I’ve never really made these before, I hope they’re good!”

Zoey took a bite of pancake, and said, “Hm, it tastes… it tastes good, and also kinda like, blue?”

“I don’t know what that last part means, but thank you!”

“Me neither!” and she went ahead to eat what was probably the first decent meal she’d had in the past two days.

Man, everything had gotten bad so fast it was hard to believe so little time had really even passed. She tried not to think on it too much, there were more important things to take care of. Like…

“Hey Winnie?” Zoey asked, still chewing on her food, “Do you know what these papers are?” she held up the notes, which Winnie floated over to examine.

“Oh, they’re from some of the people in town asking for you.”

“Really? Like, for what?”

“Well… mayoral stuff, from what I could tell. They all also seemed real worried for you, they wrote you notes cause I put a sign up not to disturb you while you were sleeping.”

Mayor… she’d nearly forgotten about that part of the story. The people here were actually relying on her for something. No, not just for something, it was for a _lot_.

“Is everyone waiting for me right now?”

“Not until I change the sign!”

Zoey ate the last of her breakfast then pushed the plate away, and stood up. She looked at Winnie determinedly.

“Then you can go change the sign. Let everyone know I’m here in the kitchen. I’ll try to read these letters a bit more but they can see me now.”

Winnie nervously rubbed his tentacles to his face, “Oh - are you sure you’re ready to do that? You’ve just barely recovered !”

“I want to deal with the things people are gonna need from me. I think I’ll be ok.”

“Well… can you at least give yourself ten minutes? I don’t want to see you burn yourself out again! It was really scary!”

Zoey felt guilty being stared down by Winnie’s sad eyes. And what was more, a part of her guilt was knowing that she had felt oddly comforted by the fact anyone had been worried about her at all. She pushed the pang of guilt aside for the moment, and reached out to give Winnie a hug.

“...Alright, I can do that. And you just keep doing your best, like you always do.”

Winnie wrapped his limbs around her, creating a sort of mega hug that Zoey liked quite a lot. As they let go, Winnie said, “I can do that too.” and smiled.


	4. Win some, lose some

Zoey tripped over herself as she scurried off from Alice’s front lawn. She felt the whipped wind on her back, of a skeleton's spear that just barely missed her. That went way too south way too fast, and it was way too early in the morning for her to process it. Veltari was going to have to deal with the rest of that on her own!

As the grass flew beneath her feet, she fumbled with the clothes Veltari had tossed at her. Was she supposed to be frustrated at the coins pouring out from her hands, or relieved that she hadn’t forgotten how to use her hands? Thankful she had hands again? Or maybe it was just a good thing no one else could see her right now from so far out and away from the main town.

…No, she was definitely frustrated, more than anything else. Shirt first, then pants, frustration, coins pouring out everywhere, tripping, landing on her butt, and pants again. She grunted as she finally got herself decent, and shook gold out from her pant-legs. She shook her hands too, and coins clattered onto the grass. She waited a minute, and they just kept coming.

“Just my luck… fuck.” She felt a certain relief, swearing out in the field where no one could hear her either. It wasn’t much, but it was something. She lifted her head up at the sky, a slowly ebbing gradient of colors in all directions.

In an attempt to look on the bright side, she took a deep breath and looked back down at herself. She felt taller, and tested her limbs that somewhat awkwardly hung from her body. Veltari’s clothes didn’t quite fit – a bit too wide in certain places – but they actually hung from her frame instead of enveloping her in fabric. Everything seemed to be in the right place. If she could just get to a mirror, see if she looked like herself – like really herself this time? This could be the best thing to happen in a long while. Yes, this was good!

She looked back at Alice’s house. She had covered a considerable distance, and the skeletons looked like they were calm. Good, Veltari seemed like the type who could handle herself. Zoey hopped off again, on her way to the Avant Guard HQ in search of a mirror.

“Oh man, this is sweet-!” She thought out loud, spring in her step. Then, “I’m a new person, from my head to my feet!” fell from her lips before she could think. She kept walking, but now just a tad more aware of herself, and confused. “Huh.. that was weird, what I just cheered.” _What?_ Her pace slowed, and her brows scrunched in thought. Once was odd, but twice…

“What am I saying… it’s so dismaying?” She scowled. “Oh rhyming, for real?! What’s the universe’s stupid deal?!”

Rhymes! How lame! She kicked at the ground, shook her hands up at the sky. If only she could complain to whoever decided this was allowed to happen in the first place, she’d have some strong words for them! Wouldn’t that be nice!

Unfortunately, she couldn’t do that. There were a lot of things she couldn't do.

So instead, she lowered her arms and heaved a long sigh. “God damn it. Shit.” She continued her trek, still anxious to see herself, but much less enthused than before. Every good thing had to be balanced out with dumb bullshit, didn’t it. A trail of golden coins trickled behind her.

She got a few looks from the people in town as she walked through the most crowded area. That was to be expected, they should all be used to it by now. It was fine, they could stare if they wanted.

She made sure to avoid Tarsus though. For now at least. It’d be better not to see Claire again so soon, especially with the wild magic bullshit being piled up so unusually high that day. She wasn’t sure she’d even be in the mood to talk, let alone plan… things she’d rather not think about for the time being.

The HQ appeared on the horizon. It looked pretty good, the snow and ice having melted away. Mostly. Zoey violently shivered as her bare feet made contact with cold, wet grass. “Ah ice, not nice!” She jumped back and shook herself up to get over the shock. When Dora was done with Rolen, getting some new clothes definitely had to be her next goal before anymore mission business. For sure. She rolled her shoulders and continued forward.

Winnie was floating by the front desk busying himself as Zoey stepped inside. She wiped her muddy feet on the front mat, and Winnie enthusiastically swerved his eyestalks toward her. “Oh! Hello, do you need – uh, wait.” He squinted, visibly moving his stalks up and down as he examined her more thoroughly. “...Zoey?”

“Yep, it’s me alright. Tell me, do I look too much a fright?” _Uuugh._ She sounded like the poetry books she’d steal from Stella’s room when she was bored.

“No, not at all! I mean, the money is a little weird, but, you look remarkably normal otherwise!” A big, dopey smile lit up his face.

It was hard to feel too disgruntled when he was around. Zoey relaxed her shoulders. “That’s good to hear I won’t cause a stir – by the way, do you have a mirror?”

He flew behind his desk before answering, “Yes!” He was out of view for a moment, then floated back up toward her with a hand held mirror. “Would you like me to hold it for you, considering the uh, gold problem?”

“That would be much appreciated, your help has me elated.” She shut her eyes tightly for a moment, repulsed at how that sounded coming out of her own mouth.

“No… problem? Zoey, are you feeling alright?”

“Physically yes but mentally no, I’m forced to rhyme and feeling low.”

“Aaah, a wild magic thing.”

“Yes, good guess.”

Winnie held the mirror up to Zoey’s face. She blinked at it a few times, almost not sure if she should really look, but then focused her attention on herself. There she was, Zoey, the nineteen year old half-elf, staring back at her. At least, she thought so at first. It’d been so long since she’d seen herself looking older than 7, and she didn’t have any images of herself to compare her face to. Honestly, it was just great to see she looked older now. But as she stared silently at herself, things started standing out that were just… wrong.

Her hair, rather than a deep brown, rested on her shoulders as a bright red. It curled in long strands of wavy hair where once it had been straight. It was the most obvious change, but not the last. She pulled her hair behind her ears, which were much larger than before. She could tell that the “half-elf” was no longer just “half". Then, her nose was… she couldn’t quite place this one, but it must have been curved differently somehow. Maybe bigger? She tried her best to see if her own eyes had changed. Whether because they hadn’t, or it was difficult to look in that direction, they seemed to be the only thing just right. But she couldn’t be sure, and that was disconcerting, to say the least.

She glanced up, and saw Winnie was a deep shade of teal. Concern painted his big, alien expression. “You feel disappointed. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing big, I guess… nothing really worth distress.”

“Are you sure?” His voice wobbled, as it tended to do.

“Yeah I swear it’s fine, I can’t expect everything to perfectly align.”

“I don’t quite know what that means but, ok… you look nice, by the way. I mean, the dragon you looked nice too but like, I’m not really good at judging what a nice dragon looks like and I don’t really have the life experience to discern that and -”

“Winnie it’s fine, I don’t think I’m ugly. The fact is I don’t look like me, just roughly. Don’t worry about it, I’ll adjust a bit.” Which was technically true, but how long "a bit" would be was still up for determination.

“Well, alright… if you say so!" Winnie looked down for a moment. “Huh... Maybe you should move away from the entrance.”

“Huh, whuh?” Zoey looked down to the slowly amassing pile of gold at her feet. She stepped out of it and away from the doorway, instead opting to move toward the kitchen.

“Sorry, Winnie, about the mess! I wish I could help, I confess.”

“I got it! Just make sure you don’t flood the place, k?”

Instead of enduring her own voice any longer, Zoey nodded her head. Winnie fluttered around and put the mirror back on his desk. Then he pulled out a dust pan and broom. Didn’t seem like the best way to clean up, but she also didn’t feel like objecting to the method. Now she just had to wait for the others.

What a day, and it wasn’t even close to noon yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you know how long I've wanted to mess with the rhyming? So long...


	5. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wanted to write this one differently, intentionally a stream of consciousness since this is when Zoey had "no internal monologue"  
> 

Oh wow that sure is a tentacle  
does that belong to Ghaunadaur  
I can’t imagine it’s anything else  
how did he get that in here  
I hope he doesn’t have more of those  
that’s really gross  
does Claire think it’s gross  
I hope I’m not the only one who  
oh she looks a little freaked out  
but maybe that’s just me  
cause Dora looks excited  
but maybe that’s just Dora  
what’s Dora saying  
it’s hard to listen when I can’t stop talking  
this sucks  
I hate this  
I think I heard she wants Claire to touch that thing  
well I guess we need it’s help so ok  
but wait no isn’t this so we don’t get killed by Lady Nim  
but if that’s the case what if that just makes things worse  
I don’t know what this guy is like and  
I should stop Claire  
I should do this  
let’s just pull her back  
I’m sorry Claire  
you’ll probably be mad about this later  
but I’ve got to do this  
no stopping now  
I hope this doesn’t feel too gross

 

 

_A burst of fire_

_splitting through my hand_

_up my throat_

_down my spine_

_behind my_

_eyes_

_I_

_can’t see_

_it’s dark_

_I_

_can’t breathe_

_it’s inside_

_oh_

_God_

_it’s everywhere_

_it’s everywhere_

_it’s everywhere_

_it’s everywhere_

_it’s everywhere_

_it’s everywhere_

 

**STOP**

 

_God_

 

**YES**

 

_Help_

 

**I**

**SHALL**

 

_Please_

 

**SERVE**

**ME**

 

_God_

 

**AND**

**I**

 

_Please_

 

**WILL**

**SAVE**

**YOU**

 

_Yes_

 

**SERVE**

 

_You_

 

**GOOD**

 

_Save_

_Me_

 

**STOP**

**RESISTING**

 

_I_

 

**LET**

**ME**

**IN**

 

_God_

 

**OBEY**

**MY**

**FIRST**

**COMMAND**

 

_Yes_

 

_deep chasms_

_jagged, unyielding_

_that lead to_

_an infinite abyss_

_that lead to_

_the world_

_behind_

_my_

_eyes_

_unspeakable_

_unknowable_

_until now_

_now_

_a deep breath_

_a_

_hungry_

_breath_

_fingertips_

_hands_

_arms_

_collarbone_

_spine_

_skull_

_exploding_

_reforming_

_a_

_desperate_

_breath_

_the world_

_in color_

_like_

_never before_

_nor_

_ever will be_

_again_

_colors_

_horrifying_

_colors_

_take it back_

_its_

_too_

_late_

 

**WAKE**

**UP**

 

 

The lights are hurting  
my eyes  
where am I  
is that Claire  
Dora  
what Rolen  
a sword  
are we fighting  
please don’t  
I’m ok  
hey Veltari  
Rolen  
youre back  
that’s right  
you were gone  
how did your mission go  
let’s change the subject  
please  
I’m fine  
I’m not worried  
I’m scared  
I’m not scared  
I don’t want to talk about it  
I’m fine.

I’m fine.

I’m fine.

It’s fine.


	6. Memory (Age: 21)

Grass crunched beneath her feet – it was cold out, snowing. Zoey wrung her gloves around the stem of the lily she was holding.

She had asked Winnie to make sure the next hour or so of her schedule was free, because she knew this would be a while. He looked up and asked, “Is it about - ?” 

“Yes.”

His big sad eyes lingered in her mind as she made her way to the cemetery. She pushed the gates open - sturdy iron, it seemed like the most respectful choice at the time it was built. Rows of tombstones stretched out from her left and right, in various states of care. Lilies were a common sight among them. Considering how plentiful they were around town, many coming to visit could simply pluck a few straight from the ground on their way over to pay respects.

She had considered bringing something more, perhaps something bigger, more personal, but she decided against it every time. Going overboard, it didn’t feel right – didn’t feel respectful. Nothing would change what she was there for, or how she felt.

Near the back of the cemetery, a tree grew. It was big and tall, covered in a light dusting of snow. Its branches protected a small grave that sat beneath it, which was far from all the others. It still felt wrong to Zoey that it was tucked away, but if it weren’t, the towns people would have objected to it outright.

There on the stone, in messy, hand-etched lettering, the name “Theodora” was spelled out, and beneath it, the year she died. Zoey frowned deeply as she looked at it. The nagging idea that she should have written something, anything, cropped up every time she visited. But what could she say? What could she ever say…? She crouched down over the tomb and placed the lily on top of it.

Her mouth opened, and it closed. She swallowed a painful lump in her throat, and in the winter cold, she felt the sickly heat beneath her face as tears welled up. It was so easy to say that what happened in the past can’t be changed, it’s better to move on. So much of her life _depended_ on that. Here, though, the past threatened to crush her. She sat down on the cold dirt that didn’t even have a body buried beneath it, and clutched tightly at her jacket as she hugged her arms around her legs. She shivered. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she pressed her face into her knees. There must have been something she could have done, to stop things from going the way they had. Dora needed someone to be there for her, Zoey needed to be stronger, Zoey could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.

Her shallow breaths puffed warm air around her face. Tears kept coming. It was nearly suffocating. She stayed curled up, for ages, quietly sobbing, shivering. She tried to replay the scene in her head, trying to think about what she could have changed. It seemed to get messier every time, harder to process. Flashes of light, a dark, penetrating, all encompassing eye, loud frantic music, screaming that had worn her throat out the next day, the sharp sound of a desperate plea.

_“ Ghanny, kill me!”_

“Zoey?”

Zoey gasped and whipped her head up. Snow rolled off her back as it hit against a soft, small hand. Panting, she turned and saw Claire through her tear-obscured vision. Claire’s cloaker lifted off her shoulders and gently landed on Zoey.

“Winnie told me to come get you.”

Zoey sniffed, and her hand shook as she wiped her nose. “Is – is it getting late, already?”

“I don’t think the time matters much if you freeze your butt off out here. Come on,” Claire tugged at Zoey’s arm. She might be a little taller now, but Zoey still had to be the one to pull herself up. Snow partially obscured the sun, but it was still light out - maybe an hour until sunset.

“I’m… sorry, I just...you know...” She sniffed again, and blinked as more tears streamed out.

“I know, I know...” The cloaker still sat on Zoey’s shoulders as the Legrand sisters walked away from the redwood tree. The snow fall was growing heavier, and they left footprints in the fresh powder. As they walked out from the cemetery, Claire said, “You pick some really bad times to get sentimental, I swear.”

“I hope I didn’t make you worry.”

“Tell that to Winnie when we get back to your place, I’d swear the poor guy was having a heart attack but I don’t actually know if flumphs have… hearts...” Claire trailed off, and Zoey caught her concerned glance. “But, we can burn that bridge when we get to it. Do you need to warm up at all on the way there?”

“Uh… probably-” A fireball the size of her head erupted from Claire’s outstretched hand. She kept it at a distance in front of her, but it was hot enough for Zoey to feel as she lagged behind Claire. “Thanks.”

“Least I could do.”

Awkward silence ran between them as they made their way back to Zoey’s home and office. Zoey hugged herself and rubbed at her arms, and she could see her breath. Her thoughts still lingered on the past, and she tried to focus on the flickering light of Claire's fireball. It was nice. The sound of crunching snow filled the air.

When home was in sight, Claire spoke up again as she walked, “You know… I don’t get why you do that to yourself.”

“Do what to myself?” Zoey’s hands had stopped shaking by now.

Claire turned toward her, “You know what I mean – going out there, to the cemetery, just – beating yourself up about that fucking crazy eyeball witch - “

“Dora.”  
  
“Dora! Dora, Dora, Dora - it’s like, she nearly killed you, twice! In one day! One day in which I also had to go save your butt, I’ll remind you!”  
  
“Sure you’ll remind me of that...”

Claire glared at her, then closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. She looked back up, “Listen, just… You could be doing… so many other, better things with your time and...” Claire grimaced, “It makes me worried about you. I know you. And I know that you feel responsible for what happened, to her, to the town, to… the gods, it’s obvious. But it really, really isn’t your fault.” She tepidly reached out and held Zoey’s arm, and the cloaker squeezed closer to Zoey’s shoulders.

“...I… It’s complicated, Claire, I’m… sorry.”

Claire sighed, “See that’s what I mean, don’t – don’t apologize, you goober.”

“Sorry,” Zoey flinched as she apologized on reflex.

“No, I'm sorry, Let’s just get you inside, ok?” with her fireball still in one hand, and with the other keeping a hold on Zoey’s arm, Claire lead them both to the front door of the office. The flame extinguished as Claire reached for the door. As soon as she opened it a quivery, worried voice hit them both with a cry.

“Oh Zoey, you must be freezing!” Winnie flailed his sock-covered tentacles around as he hovered over his desk toward the sisters. The cloaker flew off her shoulders as Winnie flew in for a hug.

“Well, I got her back in one piece for you, I’ll see you guys around!” Claire waved as she backed out of the door.

“Bye...” Zoey murmured as Winnie squeezed her.

“Thank you Claire!” Winnie said. His eye stalks turned to Zoey, “I know you don't like being bothered when you go out to the cemetery, but you weren't back yet and the snow could start turning into a storm and I couldn't go out there and-”

“Winnie,” Zoey patted Winnie's face, "I'm sorry I got you worried, I got distracted... I'm ok now though, thank y-" She sneezed. "Thanks."

“Oh gosh are you getting sick?! Do you want some hot chocolate? I can make some!”

Zoey gave him a small, soft smile. She probably wasn't sick, but she was still cold. “That’d be nice, please.”

Winnie floated off to the kitchen. Zoey was left there standing in the front room, thinking about what Claire said. Why _did_ she do this to herself? She blinked her heavy eyes and her mind trailed back to before. A desperate plea. Death. A distraught promise.

_“_ _I’ll always remember you!”_


End file.
